Celluloid Dreams
by youkai chick supreme
Summary: Fairy tale endings are beautiful, but rarely true. Riku learns that the hard way and is brutally awoken from his "happily ever after." SoRi.


A/n: With every fanfic, I try to write in a different style. Is it working, could I get some feedback? P-pl-pl-plea-please? …I said please. It was hard for me. Give me a reward? …No?

Disclaimer: Don't own shit. Deal with it, I am.

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"Hey babe."

And with two simple words, insignificant until uttered by Sora and to a person who is obviously not you on the other line, you are glued to the back of the swinging kitchen door like some bastard land-walking barnacle. Hiding, listening, trying to tell yourself it's not what it sounds like.

"Really? Oh, I miss you too, but I can't, not tonight… No, Riku doesn't know yet, no."

And he's laughing that cute little chuckle you always used to love, clear and closer to sounding like a bell than any other laugh you've ever heard. Except now it's tainted. And what don't you know, you wonder, and what can't he do?

"It'll only be a little while longer, and I'll leave him… You know I love you."

Who cut off the air to your apartment? Who made it impossible to breathe, because fuck, you can't breathe, you can't breathe! You can't breathe and you don't want to breathe. You want to rewind time. You want to rewind time to a moment before this brunet boy held all of your soul within his grasp. You want to rewind to a time before this boy was capable of ever uttering those words, yet alone entertaining those thoughts.

You want to smile and be able to mean it again.

Because fuck, you've known this was coming for weeks. You've seen the dead, distant look in his eyes for a while now. You've felt the way he has moved away from you, loath to touch you except to fuck you. You've seen it coming, but you ignored it, pushed it away, until now, this moment that has become impossible to misinterpret. You should know, you've tried to.

"Love you more… No, I love you more, I promise I do… I do. Bye." And fuck! His voice is so sincere, so soft, you want curl up into yourself and die. You're gripping the door jamb so hard there must be fissures in the molding by now. Yet your hands clench tighter still.

You want to confront him! You want to cry. You want to hide and pretend you never heard a word of it. You want someone to tell you which is the right choice. You wish you knew what to do. You wish you had the answers.

You extract your claws from the door jamb with one quick, forceful flick of your wrists, and slink along the wall, catlike. You can't face him, not now, not so soon after hearing such things from _him_. Not when they're directed at someone else.

'Run, just fucking get away from him.' Your mind screams. You can't do this, you can't handle this. You can't cry. God you've wasted so many tears on him in the past, for so many _years_.

And you're in the bathroom, clutching the lip of porcelain, dry heaving silently. You're sick, so sick. You wish you could just empty the contents of your entire body into the bowl, flush it all away, and be done with it. You stop, crying without the tears, heaving breath after breath, but you can't raise your head. Not yet.

Forehead against the cool seat, you wonder how it all came down to this scene. People expected things from you, you were smart and beautiful and dedicated! Dedicated to a man who refused to dedicate himself to you. And now you're head first in a toilet bowl, with no idea as to how things became so broken. How you have fallen.

You don't know where to go from here. You want to set his side of the bed on fire and let the whole thing burn down. You want to throw all his shit onto the front lawn in a huge, clichéd affair. You want to shake him and hit him and _hurt_ him until he feels as empty and alone as you.

You want to cry the tears that dried up ages ago.

"Riku, Riku, where are you?" And he's calling you in that sweet, caring, _fake, fake, FAKE_ voice of his. And you can't feel your feet, can't feel your hands, but you can still feel the hurt in your chest, piercing you deeper with each beat of your heart.

You force your legs into motion after silently begging them has no effect and shuffle your way into the living room. He's sitting on your piano bench, fingers trailing over the ivory keys of your piano. And you want to kill him for taking yet another thing you once found beautiful and sullying it with his dirty, dirty fingers.

"What, Sora?" And as much as you wanted it to, your voice is not angry, only weary. He stops fiddling with your piano and swivels on the bench to face you, head cocked to the side, playing the role of concerned lover. He's such a convincing actor he almost fools you for a second.

"What's wrong, Riku? Is everything okay?" Said in combination with such worried looking eyes, and you almost convince yourself nothing happened. Sora is not a cheater, nothing happened, nothing's wrong. But you can feel the shift in the air. You can sense the distance and you know that everything is wrong. Every single thing about this situation is wrong.

"Everything is wrong. Everything is wrong, Sora. So drop this caring-lover act you've got going, because I know. I know! I _heard_ you… I can't believe you."

He makes to get up, hunching his weight forward. You beat him to it, laying your hands on his shoulders, keeping him from rising. You need him to stay, to stop moving or you'll never get it all out.

"Riku, I—"

"No, shut up, you don't get to talk. You don't get to tell me it was just a misunderstanding and explain it all away. I'm done listening to you lie to me. I _trusted_ you! I trusted you with everything I had! And you cheated."

You pause to clear your head and compose your face (God, you must look like a wreck, you think distractedly).

"Who? Who, Sora, who is it?" You can't control the volume of the words that come out of your mouth. Every word is louder than the next, and said with a little less composure. You know you should calm down but you can't seem to make that advice sink in. You want to scream more than you want to appear to be okay (why lie? You're not okay).

"You don't know him." His voice is soft, but not guilty. And you hate him for sounding so nonchalant. For brushing it off like it's nothing, like him fucking someone else is nothing to get upset over.

"Do you know how much of my heart I gave you, Sora? Do you know how in love with you I am? How I tried to put this confrontation off for as long as physically possible, because I knew! I'm not stupid, I knew you didn't love me like I love you. But I would lie to myself to try and keep you near me because I need you to survive. I need you so badly. Even now, I still need you.

"I would give up anything to see you happy. I would sacrifice anything just to see you smile. I love you so much; even now, I still love you so much. You are my world and my god and my law. And I am your nothing. And you can't even begin to fathom how much that hurts, to know that I am meaningless to the most important person to me.

"I built my whole world around you. I built my whole world around you and look what you've done to me, look at me, Sora! You've ruined me! You've ruined everything about me. You completely destroyed me. You destroyed me and don't you _dare_ look away from me! Look at me and see what you've done to me. See how loving you has broken me apart inside. I loved you with everything I had in me and you stole it all away and you have killed me. Loving you has killed me.

"I wish I was dead."

You thought there were no tears left to cry, that you spent them all years ago, but here they are, spilling over your cheeks softly. You brush them away, treating them like what they are, inconsequential.

Sora doesn't say anything, just covers his mouth with his hand and shakes his head back and forth. You don't care. You don't care anymore about him being hurt, or being comforted by him, you just want to be able to look at him and not feel that empty ache inside.

"Riku…" Words escape Sora, he was always more of an action-y kind of guy.

"I want you out of here by Wednesday. Think you can get all of your shit packed and out in 3 days?" He nods, resigned.

You don't pay attention when he gets up. You instead drift around the room, unable to sit still for more than a second. The side door closing and Sora's car starting up shortly after tear you from the nothingness that previously enthralled you.

There is no salvaging this; you know that, in your brain you _know_ it. But your heart doesn't understand what happened here. It's hurting and the only one who was ever able to make the pain disappear has disappeared himself. So you do the only thing you can think of.

You cry.

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Endnote: TADA! Angst! And Riku sounding like a woman! …That happens often. Shit. Oh well! So be it! No sure if I like all of it, but I do love certain parts. So I'm pretty satisfied. Tell me if you think I'm a failure or not.

OMG, Sora left Riku for another man and not Kairi! GASP! I now! I shock even myself! Peace out and see you next fic.


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